The Day Kirk Couldn't Get One Word In!
by Q
Summary: Silly story about Kirk's problem with words. Read it it's silly!


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Authors notes: Completely goofy story in which Kirk just can't get a word in! I hope you enjoy it.   


#  The day Kirk   
couldn't get one word in 

  
Written By: Q 

### 

(On the bridge Kirk sits down in his Captain seat with a silly smirk on his face. Suddenly an unidentified enemy vessel comes into view.) 

KIRK: Spock! 

SPOCK: Yes Captain? 

KIRK: Is that a................. 

KIRK:........... 

SPOCK: A what, Captain? 

KIRK: Don't interrupt! 

SPOCK: Sorry, it was illogical and thoughtless of me. 

KIRK: Spock! 

SPOCK: Yes, Captain? 

KIRK: Don't interrupt!! 

SPOCK: Sir, you completed my name. 

KIRK: No, no, I wasn't calling you to answer. Spock was the first word of the sentence. It was sort of a noun of direct address. And as I was just going to get on with it you rudely interrupted so give me a chance to talk! 

SPOCK: Yes sir. 

KIRK: Silence! 

SPOCK: (Opens his mouth then thinks the better of it, and gives a quirk of the eyebrow.) 

KIRK: Spock........ 

KIRK: ............... 

CHEKOV: (Yawns) 

KIRK: Chekov there will...be..no..yawning...on my ship. is that understood? 

CHEKOV: Yes, sir. 

KIRK: Spock... 

SPOCK: Yes, Captain. 

KIRK: Spock! 

SPOCK: Yes, Captain. 

KIRK: Don't say 'yes Captain' say... 

SPOCK: Say what, Sir. 

KIRK: Spock who is in command? 

SPOCK: Uh, sir... 

KIRK: No let me hear it. 

SPOCK: You are, Sir. 

(Outside ship slowly approaches) 

KIRK: Thank you...I am CAPTAIN OF THIS SHIP AND I AM IN CHARGE!!! RIGHT!! 

Spock: It would appear so. 

KIRK: So stop interrupting. Now where....was I? Ah-hem. Ah yes, you should say... 

UHURA: Ship hailing, sir. 

KIRK: Ah, I get it mutiny! 

SPOCK: Mutiny? 

UHURA: Mutiny? 

KIRK:Mutiny! 

SCOTTY: Just because your talking slower than frozen molasses! 

KIRK: (Shoots Scotty an evil glare.) 

UHURA: Sir, ship is hailing and is now on our screen. 

SCOTTY: Kahn! 

CHEKOV Kahn! 

KIRK: KAAAAAAAHHHHHHHNNNN! 

KAHN: Hand your ship over to me or I shall... 

KIRK: Why is it that I get no respect? 

KAHN: wipe y-...wha...what....huh? 

KIRK: Every time I try to talk somebody... 

KIRK:.............. 

KAHN: Somebody what? 

KIRK: Interrupts me! 

KAHN: Oh, sorry. 

SPOCK: As we all our Captain. 

THE CREW: Yes. 

KIRK: Thank you. No more interruptions? 

THE CREW: Nope. 

KIRK: Okay. Ah-hem. KAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHNNNNNN! What in the... 

DALEK: Exterminate! 

KIRK: Huh? 

DALEK: Exterminate! 

KIRK: What are you? 

SPOCK: It would appear to be a dalek. A creature from a dimension with the hyperspace theorem known as Doctor Who. 

KIRK: Well? 

SPOCK: Well, what? 

KIRK: What is the Doctor's name? 

SPOCK: Who. 

KIRK: The doctor from your story. 

SPOCK: Yes. 

KIRK: So what's his name? 

SPOCK: No it's not. 

KIRK: Huh? 

SPOCK: What is not his name. Who is. 

KIRK: What are you talking about, Spock? 

SPOCK: This Doctor. 

KIRK: Yes. 

SPOCK: You wanted to know his name. 

KIRK: Yes exactly so tell me his name. 

SPOCK: Who. 

KIRK: The doctor. 

SPOCK: Doctor Who. 

KIRK: The one from your story! 

SPOCK: Sir that's his name. 

KIRK: What's his name? 

SPOCK: No who. 

KIRK: What? 

SPOCK: No, Who. 

KIRK: Spock who is this Doctor. 

SPOCK: Exactly. 

KIRK: Spock when we see the show with this creature, who fights him? 

SPOCK: Precisely. 

KIRK: Precisely? 

SPOCK: Precisely. 

KIRK: So when we watch the show Precisely fight the Dalek. 

SPOCK: No, who fights it. 

KIRK: Precisely. 

SPOCK: Precisely, yes say it that way 

KIRK: That's what I said! 

SPOCK: No you didn't. 

KIRK: I said when your watching the show precisely fights the Dalek. 

SPOCK: No it's who. 

KIRK: Precisely! 

SPOCK: Go ahead, say it that way. 

KIRK: That's what I said!! I said when you watch the show- 

SPOCK: ...who fights the Dalek. 

KIRK: He'd better fight him! 

DALEK: Exterminate. 

KIRK: Somebody get that goofy crossover off of my bridge. 

SCOTTY: Sir, they hate it when you do this. (Tears off eye stalk) 

DALEK: I cannot see! Malfunction! Malfunction. 

SCOTTY: They hate it when you do this. (Pulls some wires) 

DALEK: (Spinning wildly) Emergency! Emergency! 

SCOTTY: And they really hate it when you do this! (Grabs Dalek and pushes it off of the bridge while it continues its malfunction speech) 

KIRK: Riggghhhtt..... 

KAHN: Kirk, you will be destroyed. 

KIRK: Stop interrupting I.... 

(On the screen on Kahn's ship we see Scotty come in the door with a mangled torn-up wrecked Dalek) 

SCOTTY: Oh, and they hate it so much when you do this! (Twists the plunger) 

DALEK: Malfunction! Malfunction! (Begins shooting wildly) 

KAHN: Nooooooo! 

(Kahn's controls are hit by the blasts and suddenly everything goes dark.) 

SCOTTY: And they start to despise you when you do this! (Crack, slam) And it really gets to them when you do this! 

KIRK: I've seen enough. Sulu take us out. 

(We here triumphant music as the Enterprise speeds away...) 


End file.
